captain america’s favorite shame phrases

roachpatrol:

  • i didn’t punch hitler in the face for this
  • you guys are giving me grey hair
  • this never happened in the forties (said with completely straight face)
  • i just don’t think you’re living up to your true potential
  • america wasn’t founded for this
  • i know if you look inside yourself you’ll realize you’re a better person than you think you are
  • that’s it, i’ll be in the freezer until further notice, wishing i was still dead
  • in all my years of leading troops i have never seen such blatant disrespect (said with completely straight face)
  • i’m not mad, i’m disappointed
  • i’m probably going to outlive all of my friends, again. did you know that? i think about that all the time. at night. all by myself. and these are the memories you want to leave me with
  • do you really think this kind of behavior is what our founding fathers expected future americans to engage in
  • you know what we had in the old days? dignity. (said with completely straight face)
  • ms potts, please book me a flight up north. i need to go lie down for another seventy years.